Kicks and punches

The week was, well, a week.  I have really been failing in the picture department.  Monday I had to work late so Carmen and Jayden were on their own.  It seems like they survived just fine.  And honestly, for me, it was nice to skip a bedtime, just once.  I love my kid, obviously, but bedtime is definitely an ordeal and definitely time consuming and sometimes it's nice to be relieved of that burden.  Tuesday we went to dinner at Dave's house (Carmen's boss), with Carmen's co-workers and most of the rookies.  It was fun, and Jayden spent most of his time following around Dave's 6 (?) year-old son Michael.  It was nearly impossible to get him to eat dinner he was so obsessed.  Wednesday Von and Tony (two of Carmen's clients) came over for dinner, which was low-key and fun.  Jayden actually made Von get off the couch and play his made up soccer game with him.  And he sort of interacted with Von and Tony; it's progress if nothing else.  Thursday and Friday were normal days, for the most part.  And now it's the weekend and tomorrow is March.  How that is possible I have no idea.  AND I am 24 weeks pregnant.  A couple more weeks until the third trimester, which is just so crazy.

Today in swimming, Ms. Stacy had extra time so she kept Jayden and his swimming partner a little longer.  She even offered to give Jayden a second lesson, but Jayden said "no."  I was a little surprised, but it's mostly because he had already found his pool noodle to play with in the shallow end and was otherwise occupied.

Riding the surfboard back to the shallow end.

Getting ready to splash!

Jayden is still trying to "stand up" when he takes breaths, but he's actually getting worse in that he tilts his head backwards now.  Ms. Stacy is working with him, and making progress when she can use props like kickboards and other things, but when he's on his own in the water he still struggles.  This is a pattern though, and I think common with a lot of kids; they make a bunch of progress, then stagnate for a bit and then make a bunch of progress again.  So he'll get there.  Just like he won't be wearing a diaper when he gets to college.  :)

Oh, and speaking of that, we've decided to use a reward system to help him with using the toilet.  He gets one star for potty and two stars for poopoo, and when he gets ten stars, he gets a new Hot Wheels car.  I talked to him about it first, and he's excited about it, so I'm hoping it will work.  I don't know if he'll completely understand it, but if it turns this whole potty training madness into a positive thing, then that works for me.

The baby girl continues to kick like crazy.  After Jayden's nap today all three of us were resting on the bed for a few minutes and she started kicking or punching or something with some serious force.  Jayden didn't want to feel it, but Carmen got to feel a couple serious bumps in my belly.  Even though Jayden didn't want to feel it, he did want Carmen and me to feel his belly, so we could feel the baby in his belly moving around.  He's so cute.  "See Mommy, my belly is getting bigger too!  My baby is growing a lot."

Our real baby has supposedly gained four ounces since last week, putting her at just over a pound.  I do feel like she's growing, since her kicks/punches are so strong.  She is about a foot long, which is approximately the size of an ear of corn.

Since she is so long, but also kind of heavy, she's pretty lean.  Supposedly she'll fill in soon, but if she's like Jayden, she'll never fully plump up.  Her brain is growing quickly and her taste buds are continuing to develop.  Her lungs are developing branches of the respiratory tree, as well as cells that produce surfactant.  Surfactant is a substance that will help air sacs in the lungs inflate once the baby hits the outside world (ideally in 14-16 weeks - ahhh!).  Her skin is still translucent, but soon that will start to change.  

Supposedly the top of my uterus is now above my belly button, and is now the size of a soccer ball.  As I said to Carmen, I have an ear of corn inside a soccer ball right now.  Kind of weird when you think of it that way.

I'll soon get to take my glucose screening test to make sure I don't have gestational diabetes.  I am not looking forward to that; I basically have to go drink some nasty substance, hang out for a couple of hours and then get a blood test, all while fasting.  It is pretty much guaranteed that I will be light headed and sad.  Poor me, I know.  ;)

I'm definitely looking pregnant to the general public, which is actually kind of a relief.  My weight wavers between 147 and 150 right now, which means I've gained 10-15 pounds since I got pregnant.  Our waitress at lunch today, as we were leaving, asked me when I was due.  I didn't understand her at first and looked at her quizically and I think I freaked her out - like she was asking a non-pregnant person whether or not she was pregnant.  It was a little funny, but then I told her.  It's interesting how so many people are comfortable asking complete strangers about their lives, particularly when they're pregnant.  She asked me when I was due, whether it was a boy or a girl, whether or not Jayden was excited.  And that's not uncommon.  And of course, the next statement, after learning it's a girl is always "oh!  one of each!  so you're done, then!"  And it's usually not a question, it's a statement.  I mean, it might be true, but not because we have one of each, because Carmen and I have casually talked about having two kids.  But it's not necessarily true.  We have one more bedroom upstairs, so there is room for a third if we decided to go for it.  :)  I don't mind sharing information, for the most part, but sometimes, because of the questions asked, I find myself sharing more than I might normally.  People are happy to ask me if I'm nauseous.  People who know something about pregnancy (or who think they do) often will ask more specific questions.  It's okay, just sometimes funny, particularly with people I don't know as well.  

And it only continues once you give birth, because everyone is perfectly happy to tell you how to raise your child, even if they've never raised one themselves.  So many people think they know what's best - and while this has always been a phenomenon, I think it's exacerbated by the internet and the amount of information available 24/7.  I know I drive myself crazy sometimes, but with #2 I think it will be easier to filter out the random unhelpful information.  I also think it will be easier for me to say "thanks for the information, but we've figured out what works for our family and we're happy" when people try to suggest I'm doing something "wrong."  

I hope everyone is having a lovely weekend, and is equally shocked that it is March already.  As excited as I am for this girl to arrive, I'm really not ready just now, and think 14 weeks will be here before we even know it.  

Negotiation, sort of.

I realized this morning that this video never made it on the blog.  I think I tried to upload it from my phone, couldn't do it and then forgot about it but thought I did it.  Story of life right now.  

Today was a particularly difficult parenting day, so I'm going to watch this video forty-five times in a row right now to remind myself that sometimes I win.  Not today, but sometimes.  

It is true that half of what he says makes no sense at all and is not at all relevant to the situation.  But that's what makes it so wonderful.  And I think, after the last two weeks, that I have given up on potty training.  As everyone has said, he won't go to college wearing diapers.  So maybe I'll just get over it and clean up accidents as they happen.  So, yeah.  Happy Sunday night.  Part of me is dying to go to work tomorrow, but most of me is dying to stay home to make up for what a disaster today was.  I guess I have the rest of my life for that.

We're alive

And that's what matters.  That post of pictures I promised never materialized, clearly.  It was partly due to me just not getting it together to do a post and partly due to me still not getting a ton of pictures taken.  BUT.  Jayden, Jasmine and I are alive. We're not incredibly well rested (except maybe Jasmine), but we were fed, reasonably healthily all week, we have some clean clothes and clean sheets and we're generally happy.  That is a successful two weeks without a husband.

As one of my friends has discussed, I have nothing on full-time single moms, military wives, or anyone else who goes long periods (or all of the time) without anyone around to support them.  And I'm not trying to pretend I do.  But as far as my life is concerned, being without a husband for two weeks is hard.  Part of the problem is the lack of support system, I think - it's not just the doing it all by myself, but the fact that if something happens or falls apart, there is nobody to call to be back-up.  Even though it's from a few years a go, I recently read an article about mommy loneliness.  The article sort of hits the nail on the head.  I talk to my mommy friends at work and I run into parents at daycare with whom I exchange small talk.  And I adore my non-parent friends who have been so incredibly supportive despite my inability to stay in touch or drop everything and run off to do something fun (and those in the bay area who understand exactly what I need when I do get a weekend off by myself - love you guys!).  But there's something about coming home with your kid, by yourself, every single night, and spending every single night by yourself, not talking to anyone, not interacting with anyone, not hashing your day out with anyone.  It's just different.

In any case, I won't go on forever about it.  The important news is Carmen is home.  Woo-hoooo!  Clearly he'll be more attached to his phone than anything else, especially since he's been alone for two weeks, but at least there will be another body in the house.  And Jayden is so super excited to have his daddy back, it's adorable.

Jayden and I went to the airport to watch Carmen's plane land tonight.  We parked on the roof of the parking garage and camped out in a blanket on the hood of my car.  It was a lot of fun!  And Jayden raised his arms in victory when we saw Carmen's plane land and then park at the gate too.  He was suuuuper excited to see Daddy and to get to do "family hugs" again tonight.
Oh, and this is what Jayden looks like when I say "smile" apparently.  Awesome.  I can't wait for school pictures.

Despite the stress of the week, it was a decent week.  Here goes.

Jayden's face when he opened his present from Gramma and realized the video is the same as the puzzles he has (Paw Patrol)!
Funny story is that he's never actually seen the show, so he has no idea what it's about.  Carmen just bought him the puzzles for Christmas out of the blue.  We haven't found time to watch the video yet, but next time we sit down together to have a movie night that's what we'll be watching!

Swimming across the pool by himself.  I mean, clearly he has flippers and a noodle, but he did a pretty good job of breathing without going vertical.  Today was a totally different story - he spent half the lesson with his head tilting backwards or staring at other kids in the pool.  Oh well.

Playing with the car wash from Gigi.  We played with it non-stop from Saturday morning when we got it until probably Wednesday or Thursday.  He still plays with it quite a bit, but at least now we get a little variety.  Today we threw in some books and some puzzles too.  :)

My valentine's day kiss.  He's quite passionate about it.  

Being serious on the playground, aka staring at other kids and getting ready to follow them around but not actually play with them and then ask about his "friends" three days later.
(Seriously, yesterday he asked me where his "friends," the one in the black shirt and the one in the red shirt, were and if he could see them again.  I had to explain I have no idea who those kids are, when they'll be at the park next or even what their names were.)

Slide!

Sliding down a hill at the park on a piece of cardboard.  

Running back up the hill after a particularly good slide down.  I had to give him a boost to get him started.
As an aside, Jayden totally won this trip to the park.  Monday morning (a holiday), I had to go to my office to reconnect 14 computers, since we'd had to move the prior week and our office manager had so much forethought that she didn't even consider that our IT and phone people should be notified that everything was being disconnected.  It took me THREE hours to do it, because of how things were haphazardly packed and how our systems are set up.  Poor Jayden was so patient and such a good kid, I owed him this trip to the park and probably a whole lot more too.  But please please please don't tell him that. He'll make me buy him the "cop" cars he wants.  And by "cop" cars, clearly he means Hot Wheels cars.  They're in my Amazon cart.  They'll be purchased, just not actually gifted, someday soon.

I hosted a meeting at our house on Thursday. When Jayden came home all the chairs were in the wrong place, and as we were moving them back to the right places, he rediscovered the highchair. He immediately moved it next to his chair because he wanted the baby to sit next to him.
Two things: (1) this poor kid is going to be so traumatized when he realizes how useless the kid is for at least the first six months; and (2) it only took him maybe 15 minutes the next morning to yell at me about wanting to sit next to the baby not next to me after he realized I'd moved the highchair back to its storage location while he was asleep.  

A beautiful sunset on the way home Friday evening.  

Spinning on our (really long) walk this morning.  Of course Jayden was ambitious and I chose not to fight, but ultimately I suffered since I had to give him a piggy back ride for the last half mile or so.  Oh well.

Smiles in the swimming pool.

We're still working on a few letters (clearly "E" is not "key" and "L-M-N-O-P" needs some work, but he's so proud of himself that he can sing the whole song by himself.  And he's learning the sounds the letters make, which is pretty cool to see too.  

And now for the baby.  She's the size of a large mango, weighing in at just over a pound.  She's at least 11 inches long now.  

She can feel movement now, so the app suggests I dance.  I figure I do that, along with walk, jog, laugh, spin, yoga, be a choo-choo train, be a human jungle gym and other activities, enough that I'm not so worried.  She's been kicking me a whole lot more.  I'm carrying her really low, which is interesting (and a little upsetting to me - one thing I read said you carry low when your abs are weak - not something I like to think about myself!).  Carrying her low means I feel the kicks in entirely different places.  She definitely loooves to move.  Blood vessels in her lungs are developing, preparing her for breathing, and her hearing is improving.  She can hear what I hear, but it's muffled by all the stuff (muscles, tissue, placenta, amniotic fluid, etc.) surrounding her.  I can't imagine what she thinks, based off of what she hears from me and Jayden.  She's going to know the song "Uptown Funk" by heart for sure, since Jayden and I have listened to it 187 times in the last eight days.

I'm still feeling pretty good, but people are starting to tell me I've "popped."  I think there are some clothes were I look more pregnant, but for the most part I still feel like I just look big.  I'm still not feeling cute and pregnant, but I don't know that I ever will really.

In case anyone is wondering, no discussions about names yet.  Apparently we're not allowed to discuss names yet - Carmen told me with Jayden we didn't discuss names until we had our naming afternoon at the beach.  So apparently that's the rule this time too.  I've had lots of suggestions from lots of people, and honestly I haven't come up with one name yet that actually sounds appealing to me.  At least we've got some time, sort of (118 days to go, assuming this little girl is on time!).

Happy Valentines Day!

We have had a big week building up to Valentine's Day.  First, it was Mommy and Jayden time, all the time, which is always fun, and Second, we've had wrapped presents sitting on the table allllll week!  Jayden managed to wait, and will be so excited to open them tomorrow.  I think I have a guess as to what Jayden's present is, Gramma, but I'm excited to see which one!  :)

I am ready for him too:

Since I don't always give Carmen credit: the flowers to the left are from Carmen.  They were delivered to our front porch today.  Calla lilies and deep red roses, reminding me of our wedding!  So pretty.
I figured I could get away with using a store bag for Jayden's gifts, since he can't read yet and hopefully he'll just appreciate the pretty red and purple bag.  Also, my own fun secret - I've been hiding that giant balloon in the house for the past six days.  Luckily Jayden didn't want to play with his play house at all this week!

I was lucky enough to have yesterday off (thank you state courts that randomly close on Lincoln's birthday).  It was a wonderful morning because I wasn't rushing Jayden anywhere.  I still took him to Juju's, but was able to be relaxed and not have to rush him through everything.  After I dropped him off I stopped at the arts and crafts store and bought too much stuff.  Because I'm smart I decided February 12th was a good day to decide to make homemade valentines.  Right (that was sarcasm in case it wasn't clear). But I found some simple ideas that I could combine with stuff I already had - red paper (from our wedding, actually!), plain white paper, two valentines-themed stamps and some salt dough I "whipped up" in a few minutes, and voila!  Clay heart necklaces strung to a hedgehog valentine card!

These were the valentines for Jayden's daycare.  He wore two necklaces to daycare, and I wore my necklace today of course.  Juju said all the kids loved their heart necklaces - so glad, because I wasn't sure if everyone would like them!

Jayden has been amazing this week.  He asks about his daddy a lot.  Even though he refuses to talk to him when he calls, it's clear he misses him.  And when Carmen called today while we were driving and mentioned swim class coming up tomorrow, Jayden's eyes doubled in size, his mouth opened wide and you could feel the excitement oozing from him.  I couldn't snap a picture since I was driving, but his excited face is one of my favorites.  I'll catch it one of these days, I promise.

I haven't snapped a ton of pictures this week, so I'll post another update after this long weekend with some photos.  For now I'll throw in the baby girl update:

I'm 22 weeks today.  I can't decide if it feels like I have forever until the end or no time at all.  I was joking with someone recently that I'd like to stay pregnant for a few more months, but definitely not any longer than necessary.  And that's about right.  Not that life gets easier once the newborn arrives, but it'll be change.  And work has been brutal/frustrating/overwhelming, so in some ways I'm looking forward to maternity leave as an opportunity for a break.   And maybe as a way for me to reevaluate whether I'm really in the right job.  I know I won't be spending every waking moment (which will be a lot of moments) analyzing my job and my happiness, but I'm hoping it will give me at least a clue about whether or not I really want to return to full time.

On to the baby girl - she is about 11 inches long, and weighs about a pound - about the size of a spaghetti squash.

She looks more and more like a tiny human and less and less like an alien.  Her lips, eyelids and eyebrows are more distinct and her tooth buds are developing under the gums.  [By the way, despite the fact that I breastfed Jayden and I plan to breastfeed this little girl, I still think babies should grow teeth in the womb - think how much more sleep new parents would get if they didn't have to go through the teething stage.  I'm sure the whole biting while nursing thing would work itself out.]  Her eyes are formed, but there is still no pigment in the iris - so in our case, no way to tell if Carmen's idea that out kid could have blue eyes will come true.  As an aside, based on my high school biology class, there is actually no way for our kids to have blue eyes.  It's a recessive gene, which means both parents have to carry it and there are no blue eyes in Carmen's family so it's just not genetically possible.  I promise.

The baby is covered in lanugo, the fine hair covering her body, and she is developing the deep wrinkles that will be filled in with fat before she's born (or sort of filled in, if Jayden is any indication - he never had the chubby legs that other babies have).  Her pancreas is developing, which is essential for producing important hormones.  Her fingernails are also almost fully grown, which is actually kind of creepy to me - what if she claws at me inside?!?  Another weird fact: blood is traveling through the umbilical cord at four miles an hour, which fuels the little girl's growth with oxygen and nutrients.

I have been a little more lightheaded recently, and I've decided, based on little to no medical training or evidence, that I am not drinking enough water.  Apparently my blood volume has increased quite a bit over the past few months, which means I need more water.  I've been trying to drink 90 oz of water every 24 hours.  I don't always make it, but I usually get at least 60-70, which isn't too bad.

I actually managed to get out for a run/walk yesterday.  I was so incredibly slow, but it felt so good to get out in the fresh air to clear my head and to get my legs moving again.  I am going to be careful and slow, but in order to stay mentally healthy (not to mention physically healthy), I have to find ways to incorporate running and yoga back into my life, and more than just once every week.  I will make it happen!

Not a good picture of me, a little blurry, but you can see the bump.  Practically the minute I stopped running she started moving around again.  Seriously if she's as active on the outside as she is on the inside, we are in for a world of trouble.  

And now it's time to pass out before 10 pm.  Woo hoooo!  Happy Valentines Day to everyone!

Growing up too fast

In preparation for the new arrival, we bought Jayden a "big boy" bed.  We skipped the toddler bed, because he loved his crib, and he's big enough that he'd grow out of the toddler bed in a matter of days.  When we talked to him, he really wanted a purple bed.  We convinced him it would be better to get a different color of bed and purple sheets.  Which also turned out to be a challenge, because there aren't many sheets that aren't  college-themed or princess-themed.  I finally  found a set - they're not my favorite but they're a good color of purple and that's what matters for now.

Goofing around on his new bed.

Jayden has adapted surprisingly well.  He was riveted when it arrived and was being put together.  We were almost late for swim class because he didn't want to leave before it was all done.  Luckily the guys were quick and finished just about when we needed to be out the door.  I had washed the sheets in preparation for the excitement, so I made the bed when we got home and Jayden was more than happy to sleep in it the very first night.  The cool thing is the bed has a guardrail, so we put it up against the wall and the guardrail on the other side  - so it feels a little more secure for him.

He hasn't wanted to go back to his crib at all and is so excited for the baby to sleep in his crib.  He even wanted the baby to sleep in his room with him (that is so not happening, by the way).  I was all worried about taking things away from him for the baby and instead he's excited to share with her.  Thank goodness.  This morning he was playing with his airplanes while we were getting ready and he said something about sharing his planes with Daddy.  I complimented him on his sharing and he looks at me, raises his shoulders, puts his arms out to the side, palms up and says "But Mom, if nobody shares, then nobody cares!"

Fast asleep in his new bed on the first night.

He's done a decent job of sleeping through the night, although the transitions over the past few weeks are always tough on him (and me).  And it doesn't get any easier, since Carmen just walked out the door to catch his redeye and won't be back for 11 days.  Happy Valentine's Day to me!  Jayden and I will have our own date, and honestly, Carmen and I have been together twelve years now (TWELVE!  So crazy) so Valentine's Day only matters so much.  But it's still a little sad.

Jayden is all excited about Valentine's Day.  Ever since Christmas I've been casually talking to him about how much fun it is to give gifts, not just get gifts.  We're not really there yet.  But since Gramma sent Valentine's gifts that arrived yesterday, we've been talking about presents.  I told him I have a present for him too, but that I need a present for me from him.  He said "no Mommy, I just like to get my own presents.  They're just for me."  So I explained I don't want his presents, but I want something from him to me.  I told him I wanted a picture of a heart.  So he decided he and Daddy needed to draw me a picture of a heart right away.  We got out his pens and paper and they sat at the table and drew me hearts.

I ended up with four pages, five hearts total.  Best. Gifts. Ever.  I'll have to figure out what I can do to save these, since these are the first real "present" Jayden has given me.  And each time he gave me a picture he'd give me the biggest hug too.  Seriously makes even his whining bearable.  :)

Happy almost Valentine's to everyone!  I actually really don't like this "holiday" all that much, which means I'm not good about sending cards/gifts.  But that doesn't mean I don't love you all.  If I can get it together I'll get something sent, but I'm not making any promises.

Never forget the first kid

So here's a post that's all-Jayden, all the time.

Jayden's soccer class last week started off as a disaster, but turned into the most hilarious class yet.  He had a complete meltdown in the beginning, refusing to participate and then freaking out because he didn't get to "run forward" with the other kids.  Finally I did a couple drills with him and he calmed down and was laughing four minutes later, but man alive those first few minutes were rough.  I almost just grabbed him and went home because it didn't feel worth it.  I just knew he liked soccer class so much, he didn't really mean it when he said he didn't want to play.

But on to the actual class.  This is an obstacle course they do, where they run through hoops, hop over noodles and then kick the ball into the goal.  Jayden's kicking skills are pretty cool.

The Super Bowl was obviously a bit disappointing, but honestly I'm not all that upset over it.  It was such a good game, with so many amazing plays (Bobby Wagner's pick, Matthews' catches/touchdowns, Kearse's ridiculous catch, Lynch's catch and run, etc.) that it was just a good game.  I don't know that the Patriots were the better team; I think they just made the last good play of the game.  In any case, there's always next year, right?!?

Because of the blizzard everywhere in the country, Carmen's flight was cancelled and the first flight home he could get was Monday evening, into an entirely different airport.  He did make it, though, thank goodness.  Of course, Jayden ended up rather sick on Monday.  He didn't have a fever, but he developed that Tuesday afternoon.  We got him to bed early and he slept almost 12 hours, I think kicking it in the butt because by Wednesday morning he was significantly better.  By now, I know Jayden really is a healthy kid, and even when he gets sick it's rarely serious.  We are very lucky.  I wish I knew how that happened, because I'd love to make sure I recreate that for kid #2.  I'm going to go with breastfeeding as long as possible, having a dog, not having a perfectly clean house, going to daycare and then just genetic luck.  I can control some of those factors, so we'll see what I can do.  :)

My mom texted me at the end of the week to ask how I was doing.  My response was: "we're alive, and that's the only goal I had for everyone this week."  I even managed to get some form of home-cooked dinner on the table every night except Thursday (and tonight, but weekends don't count).

In an episode titled "Fun with Three-Year-Olds," this happened:

If you can't tell, that's the silverware container of our dishwasher.  The moral of the story is that you always check the dishwasher before you run it.  You never know what you might find, and although cars do go through car washes, I don't think matchbox cars would do so well in a kitchen dishwasher.

Jayden has had a very difficult time sleeping this week.  He's been waking up in the middle of the night, having a hard time going to bed, etc.  Last night he went to bed late-ish, and woke up at 6:15 am.  He was whiny and tired pretty much all morning, except for swim class and a little bit after.  He then took a THREE hour nap and was a different kid afterwards.  Thank goodness. 

This morning he wanted to ride in his stroller, except when we got to a short wall in a neighbor's garden.  Then he wanted to get out and "rest for a minute and then get back in to ride."  I told him no, because it's ridiculous to rest from riding, but then he managed to climb out of the stroller mid-roll.  So then we told him he had to walk to the next corner.  He refused and cried and yelled and whined.  But we won.  Because we usually do.  Except for 98% of the time when we lose.  

"Resting" on the wall.

"Look Mommy, the clothes are going in a circle together!"

Julia has been showing the kids Diego at her house.  So all day today Jayden has been saying "Come on Amigos!" or "Vamonos Amigos!"  It's so cute.  He says it with such enthusiasm.  And it's often followed by something related to Diego, and then not at all related, as in "Come on Amigos!  Let's go run to the pyramids and then we'll all tackle each other!"  I'll try to get it on video because it's so much better in his three-year-old voice than in writing on the blog.  

Hope everyone is having a good weekend.  I am feeling physically exhausted, so I'm trying to take it easy, but also trying to accomplish 900 things.  So far I've accomplished very few things and have mostly taken it easy.  Hopefully I can turn that around tomorrow.  :)

It's a . . .

GIRL!!!!!

For the two people who read the blog who I haven't already told (since there are only six or seven of you total anyway), Jayen's little sibling is a baby sister.  Carmen and I are excited.  I think I'm a little more anxious than he is, but I am excited too.  Jayden didn't react at all, probably because he already "knew" it was a girl.

We had our twenty week ultrasound on Wednesday, which is where we found out the gender.  I am now 21 weeks.  The little girl weighs about 13 ounces, according to the ultrasound tech's measurements.  According to my updates, the kid should weigh about 3/4 of a pound, so our little girl is just about right on.  She's about 10-1/2 inches long - as long as a long-ish carrot.

She's crazy active.  At the ultrasound her head started out on my right side.  Partway through her head was on my lower left side.  By the end of the ultrasound (about 40 minutes), her head was back on my right side.  She also kept kicking me.  Getting a heartbeat was a challenge for the tech, since she kept moving so much.  And when the doctor took the heartbeat in the exam room, we kept hearing static, which turns out to be movement.  During the maybe minute the doctor had the heartbeat monitor on my belly we probably heard 7 instances of static.  And yes, I'm definitely feeling it.  Not every single instance, but many of them.  They're just so unpredictable it's hard for me to get other people to be able to feel anything.

There SHE is!  In case you have a hard time reading it, her face is on the left - you can see her nose and mouth.  The black spot in her chest is her heart.  And towards the right is her hand and her leg.  

This isn't a great picture, except that you can see her foot at the top of the picture (foot basically flexed).  I believe she is mid-kick.  So lovely.

As far as development, her eyebrows and eyelids are present.  And her female parts are developing.  :)  It was cool to see her and to see her looking so much like a baby.  Jayden doesn't agree.  I tried to show him pictures of her and he couldn't really tell what I was showing him.  I think he was thinking I'd be showing him "real" pictures and was disappointed by the ultrasound images.  Oh well.

Back to the whole "anxiety about having a girl" thing.  I don't know what it is, maybe it's just that it's different.  But I feel like there will be so many things to learn.  And I know they'll be easier to learn because I'll sort of know the basics already having gone through newborn madness once already.  But there are other things I'll be learning, and honestly, probably worrying even more about what I say.

There's so much out there about raising confident, strong, self-assured girls.  I fully believe that involving girls in sports (or any hobby they're passionate about) is one of the best ways to do that - honestly for anyone, not just girls.  But the world is so crazy, particularly for girls and women, that it scares me a little to raise a girl.  There's so much pressure to be a certain way or to look a certain way, and we do live in Orange County, after all, which feels like one of the more materialistic places in the world.  I can see myself being crazy careful about saying negative things about myself or my body or my looks generally.  At the same time, I don't want her to be coddled and protected.  She will not be a little "princess" (or at least not if I can help it).  She will learn to get dirty, to tell someone "no" if she doesn't agree with them, and to do all kinds of things for herself.

Funny enough, Jayden is an imperfect example.  He is calm, knows how to react when someone hits or bites him (without me telling him, it's just who he is), but also knows how to stand up for himself.  There are a couple kids at daycare who have biting or hitting issues.  Jayden has never bitten or hit back.  He sometimes cries, but sometimes he doesn't even react, he'll just play somewhere else.  But one time one of the other kids was telling him to do something particular or to use a particular color or something and he said "NO!  You can't tell me what to do!"  I was seriously so proud.  Even though it was in response to the smallest thing ever.  That's what I want from my little girl too.  Stand up for herself when it matters (to her) and let the other things slide right off your back.  So idealistic.

And I will dress her in lots of the same things Jayden wore - there's nothing wrong with wearing blue onesies. Half the people I met thought Jayden was a girl when he was a newborn, no matter what he was wearing, since he was so "pretty."  I'll probably put a bow in her hair, or throw on some pink socks or something, but I will not be the mom who dresses her daughter in pink frilly dresses every day.  I do not like pink all that much - purple I can agree on - but I also just can't do overly cutesy.  It's not my personality and never has been.  Auntie Ellen has already agreed to be her Jordan gear supplier also, and when she gets old enough to make her own decisions, she'll get to wear whatever makes her happy, even if that means she dresses all in pink frilly dresses, or just like her brother.  (Although, I have this weird feeling that it's more likely Jayden will want to dress like her - he's just always been more of a follower!)

I'll have lots more thoughts about this over the next 18+ years I'm sure.  And who knows, maybe my perspective will totally change based on this little girl's personality.  But I do know these issues will always be in the back of my mind, and will often make me second guess decisions with her that I wouldn't think twice about with Jayden.