Mother's Day Eve

It has been a long week, but we made it to the weekend.  There has been an amazing amount of drama at work.  Four lawyers have quit in the last month or so, including the woman I've worked with the longest, the other two Directing Attorneys, and the former Pro Bono Director.  It has basically left me alone in the middle.  And has left my boss relying heavily on me to right the ship.  I don't know if I have the energy or the motivation to be that person right now.  For now I'm trying to just go with the flow, make sure I get my work done, and do whatever else I can without overdoing it.

In addition, Carmen traveled Tuesday and Wednesday night, I had a work event Thursday night and Carmen traveled last night and gets home tonight in a few minutes.  So it's been a week of transition, sort of.

Any by the way, it's MAY!  How is it May already?!?

Dakota has also grown in leaps and bounds in the last couple of weeks.  I swear she has actually grown inches (I have had to lower her crib twice in the past two weeks and her head still is slightly above the side of the crib.  AND she scoots, she crawls, she cruises, and she tries to climb stairs.  We're seriously in trouble.  I have no idea what we did with Jayden when he got to this stage.  He didn't have an older sibling to try to keep up with, but I must have had to find ways to contain him.

This is her crawling last Saturday:

And this is her cruising today:

I seriously cannot keep up with her.

Her sleep has been hit or miss recently too - I was up from 3 am to 5 am with her one night this week, and Carmen spent an hour in her room one night.  And then last night she slept 7:30 to 6:15, so almost a full 11 hours, AND took a three hour nap today.  Oh, and she is getting her third tooth, the front upper left one.  That caused a whole host of problems earlier this week, including loose bowel movements and a terrible diaper rash that made her scream every time she had her diaper changed.  Luckily that has cleared up, probably because the tooth has popped through and is just growing now.  She still hates for me to touch the tooth and fights us on "brushing" her teeth, but at least she's not in agony anymore.

I also am working on her hair, and putting it in little pigtails.  So cute.

She wasn't so sure at first. But this face was probably mostly because I put her down.

Because really she's so super happy.  

Carmen was traveling for the NFL draft last week (Tuesday through Sunday), so I planned to get us out of the house.  Sunday morning they had this event in Long Beach called "Touch a Truck."  They filled a parking lot on the beach in Long Beach with 100+ trucks, including fire trucks, garbage trucks, trailer trucks, ambulances, motorcycles, bobcats, cement mixers, every different kind of car/truck you could think of.  And the kids could go and climb on and sit in all of these trucks.  And it was FREE!  So amazing.  Except.  That apparently there were 12,000 people there, and it was exhausting to do with a four year old and a ten month old who didn't really want to be carried.  So we lasted about an hour (with one of Jayden's friends from preschool) and then went to lunch.  

Sitting in a Long Beach Fire Dept rescue boat.

On the fire truck with his buddy Desmond.

Jayden is famous!  A photographer from the Long Beach Press-Telegram took his photo and asked me for his information.  I hesitated, but decided it was okay.  He's so cute!

In the bobcat together.

And again.  We almost had a meltdown over who would go first, but then got the two of them in the bobcat together and problem solved.
And also, thank goodness for Desmond's parents - they helped keep track of Jayden, they prevented Dakota from falling out of the stroller, etc.  I don't think I could have done the event by myself with the two of them.  Plus, they suggested the best restaurant in Long Beach that I had totally forgotten about.  It makes my mouth water just thinking about it.  We'll have to remember to get back to Long Beach more often.

Carmen got home Sunday, so we celebrated his birthday a couple days late.  He requested breakfast for dinner and monkey bread.  So we had eggs, bacon, waffles and monkey bread.  Jayden and I made the monkey bread together, and it was pretty fun!  I'd never made it before.  It's about the easiest thing ever, and probably one of the least healthy too!  :)

But it tastes so good.  However, if you're making it for the first time, and Carmen tells you to just keep putting more biscuit pieces in, ignore him.  Once the pan looks full, stop.  Otherwise, the bread expands and the whole thing explodes.  I was supposed to pull it out of the pan upside down to serve it, but that just wasn't happening.  Luckily all that matters is the butter and sugar and yummy gooeyness.  

In this month's newsletter for Dakota's room at preschool, they put the cutest picture!  This was taken last Tuesday, I think.  Those are all of Dakota's friends from Room 8.  Emmett, Maya, Claire, Dakota and Blair. Hazel and a couple other kids are missing (Damien, Michael, Isabella), but still.  Love the wagon o' kiddos.

This is what we look like in the mornings when Carmen is gone.  Dakota strapped to my front, sometimes falling asleep, the dog confused about where she should walk, and Jayden chattering or playing in the stroller.  And I'm usually in my work clothes, sweating like crazy and ruining any effort I made to look put together.  As I explained to my boss when he mentioned he'd seen me walking one morning, it's just a big hot mess.
And I look angry, but I'm just squinting because it was bright, I promise.

Dakota standing up at the ball pit at school.  She has figured out how to get in, although she hasn't demonstrated for me yet.  She apparently goes headfirst and just throws herself around in there.  She is definitely going to be our wild child.  

Having cake and lemonade with my kiddos at preschool.  We were in Room 5, which is where Jayden will be next year.  Jayden planted a plant for me in a milk carton bottom and Dakota "painted" a picture frame with the insert that says "I Love Mom."  The school is so cute.

I don't have any pictures, because I forgot, but it was also Teacher Appreciation Week all week.  Monday we wrote notes to put on signs on each of the classrooms, Tuesday we brought flowers, Wednesday we brought fruit, Thursday we brought books and Friday we brought presents.  The school also asked us to bring breakfast treats, so Jayden and I made an egg casserole to take in Thursday morning.  It was very cute.  The admin staff tried to pretend it was a surprise, but I kinda think they do this every year, so I'm guessing the staff knew what was coming.  But they were very appreciative and sweet.  And Jayden was super excited to give stuff to his teachers, which was very cute. 

What a lot of pictures of her look like these days - blurry and on the move.

We spent a good part of our afternoon bicycling.  Jayden is pretty steady on the bicycle, so we went all over our street, on the sidewalk, up the sidewalk to the corner and back down again, and over all kinds of bumps.  It helped me get my steps in, and kept Jayden active too.  It was a nice day, even if I wanted it to keep raining (it poured Thursday night and Friday, and it was awesome).  

Dakota had fun too.  She loved watching her brother go.  

Total second kid syndrome - letting her play in the recycling so I could get dinner made.  I made sure everything was clean and safe.  But still.  Whatever works, sometimes.

And tomorrow is Mother's Day.  We have no plans, which is fine.  Soccer is canceled, so I'm sure we'll go to lunch or do something to get out of the house.  But we'll definitely be home for naptime and probably for the evening, because the kids are already tired enough as it is, and it's not worth it to me to make it worse!

Things are generally going okay.  I'm still overwhelmed, and unsure how I am supposed to balance everything I need to do at the house with raising kids and theoretically working a full-time job.  But things are a little better.  I haven't written much about my depression because, while I want to let people know it's normal and actually common, I'm not sure how much I'm really ready to share.  I know most of the people who read this are close friends or family - but I know there are a few other people who I don't know as well, or at all, and I'm not sure I'm ready to branch out that far.  I'm still working through it.  It might be that I share more once I'm farther on the other side.  The only thing I will share is this:  I took a test the other day at therapy.  It's a test I took the first day I saw the doctor, and it's a general indicator for her as to where I am.  What was interesting is that my score this past Monday was not all that different from my score on the first day I saw her.  It was slightly better, but the main difference was that in certain areas I had changed - some were a little worse and some were a little better.  I'd say the more serious problems were better, but my overall outlook didn't change a whole lot.  I think one of the hardest parts about it is that I am functional and that nobody would know unless I told them.  This article provides a great explanation of the dilemma.

By the way, May is mental health awareness month.  If you know someone who is struggling, reach out.  It's so much more common than you think, and there's no reason you shouldn't treat mental health the same way you'd treat physical health.