We are in the middle of just madness. The schedule that Carmen and I have over the next few weeks is insane. But first, of course, the kids.
Look how long her hair is! I feel like I should get her hair cut, but at the same time it's growing so nicely I hate to cut it. I guess we'll see just how badly I mess it up as it gets longer and longer!
We went to the pumpkin patch last weekend, which was so fun. The church next to our house has a pumpkin patch, and all the pumpkins come from a reservation in New Mexico - it's one that's in a series of books I have read, but I can't remember the author now. Mom/Ellen, maybe you remember?
In any case, they have some awesome pumpkins! As one of Carmen's friends said, the selection is like the pumpking version of Carmen's hat collection. About right.
Siblings. Love.
White pumpkins! And more siblings.
Family photo! The first family photo since June-ish, besides our professional family photos.
Our pumpkin selection. Jayden of course chose the biggest (tallest) pumpkin he could find, and then we find out they charge by height. It was awesome. But they were super cool - we got all those pumpkins for about $50. Insane.
And then it was back to the grind. I had a conference in Anaheim, which was great since I still can't leave Carmen home alone with the kids overnight. His shoulder is better, but it still hurts him and he can't lift Jayden yet. Probably at least January before he can lift Jayden. This conference is pretty much the major consumer law conference in the country, so I was so grateful it was in Anaheim this year! And, even better, I got to speak. Of course they scheduled me for the last session on the last day, but still. I got to speak. At a national conference! And it meant I got free registration, which my boss also liked. We also got a shout out for the Ninth Circuit case we just one, and I got to speak on an informal panel about another home improvement scam going around California, and probably coming to a neighborhood near you. In any case, because I had this conference, Carmen got to chip in. He picked the kids up and dealt with dinner and bedtime on Thursday, and dropped the kids off on Friday morning. And today he had them pretty much all day until dinner time since the conference ended today. It was exhausting (conferences always are), but I'm glad I was able to go and be reinvigorated at least about my consumer work. I missed the kids a lot, though.
Because, really? This little girl is just a doll. The shirt is a little too small, but it's the one that says "creativity is contagious, pass it on." So of course I love it. One of these days I am going to get one of those t-shirt quilts made from the kids' t-shirts and onesies that are particularly memorable (Jayden's "peas out," this shirt for Dakota, etc.), but until then I will store them very carefully in a random duffle bag in their respective closets.
And then, Friday night Jayden challenged me to a drinking game. "Mommy, whenever I take a drink, you have to drink too." Mind you, he's drinking apple juice and I'm drinking white wine. Jayden chugs his apple juice for what feels like an hour, and I'm choking and coughing on my wine. Wine is not to be chugged, is the moral of the story. Oof. Luckily, Carmen soon turned on Pandora and a dance party broke out!
Dakota and her daddy are lifetime dance partners. Daddy starts singing, whether it's a real song or one of his nonsense songs, and Dakota rocks out. Always. It's so cute.
Freshly washed, hair and body. And playing peek-a-boo. Where's Dakota?!? There she is!!!
Since I was working today, Carmen went on a solo parenting adventure. It was good for him, and good for the kids. It's so important for them to understand they can rely on their daddy the same way they can rely on me. After swim class they went to the park and Jayden was the best big brother. He helped his sister down the little slide (after she flew off the side the first time down - amazingly Carmen caught her) and down the big slide too. And she loved it. Like brother, like sister - both adore the slides and can happily do without the swings.
I made it home in time for dinner. We went to sushi, where Jayden had a bowl of miso soup, an entire California roll and a few pieces of a roll Carmen and I ordered. He's a monster! And Dakota had a meal of rice, tofu and vegetable tempura. Yes, really. And then Jayden decided I needed to take five pictures of him, because, well, he's five and obviously. So here are Jayden's five pictures. I adore my kids. Really, I do.
Believe it or not, Dakota was happy in this picture. She just looks angry because she's grabbing for my phone and I won't give it to her. But she really was laughing!
And THEN, we got home in time for another dance party. YES!
I swear Dakota is going to be our dancer. I want to put Jayden in break dancing class, if that exists. And put Dakota in every dance class possible. She just loves to move and she's not terribly off on the rhythm.
So. Our crazy schedule. Carmen left a couple hours ago to catch a red eye to Detroit. He gets back Monday morning. He will pick the kids up Monday so I can go to a board meeting. I'll take the kids to school Tuesday, and he'll pick them up so I can go to a meeting in Los Angeles (I was named a Ninth Circuit Lawyer Representative - eek!). Then Wednesday he has an all-day meeting that could last until dinner or later. Then Thursday I have another evening event. Then Friday, my office has a Halloween party that both of us are attending. We have the weekend (relatively) free and then Monday is Halloween of course. My mom comes in Nov. 3rd to help me with the kids Nov. 4th because the kids are off from school. Carmen is in L.A. Nov. 5th. He is gone Nov. 9-11, I have an evening event Nov. 10th. He then leaves Nov. 14 and doesn't come back until Nov. 19 or 20, I think. I have a board meeting on Nov. 14th for a board I just joined, www.girlsontherunoc.org. I'm excited about it, but nervous at the same time. I hope I can find the time to commit to the organization, because I so strongly believe in its mission of empowering girls to be whatever it is they want to be. And then it's Thanksgiving. And then it's Christmas, New Years and basically 2017. I don't even know. We'll have 100 more events in December, but I can't even look at those yet. If anyone wants to meet at Disneyworld in January, let me know - we might be going during the week of Pro Bowl (which is the week before Super Bowl, so probably the last weekend in January).
I have been doing a lot of work with myself to try to improve my relationships with everyone in my life. I am not perfect, and I am not going to succeed 100% of the time. But I am going to get better. So, if I have been neglectful, I apologize. If I have been short, I apologize. And I promise, I won't start calling everyone every week, because I am just not good about picking up the phone. But I will try. And in the meantime, anytime you are feeling frustrated, just re-watch the video of Dakota dancing. That's what I'm going to do, because it puts a smile on my face every time!!!
Yup, it has been forever. I honestly barely even know what happened. It feels like two days have passed, and it feels like a year has passed. But in reality, it has been about three weeks, I think. Maybe two? Maybe four? I know it has been a while. And it has been an adventure. A good adventure, a bad adventure, an exciting one, a stressful one, a little bit of everything mixed in.
After Gramma left, we basically just survived. I had a mediation in Los Angeles the day Gramma left, and made it back to OC to pick up the kids with 15 minutes to spare. So stressful, especially as I'm sitting in terrible traffic on the 5. But I made it, which is what matters, I guess. Jayden later tells me "I like it when you pick me up earlier." Mom guilt, times twenty seven.
We had a friend's birthday party last Saturday, after swim class. They had the reptile lady come visit - so we got to see snakes, tarantulas (SO GROSS!), bullfrogs, lizards, tortoises, etc. It was actually pretty cool, but I definitely only touched maybe half of the reptiles. Jayden touched all of them, and Dakota touched about 90% of them. The reptile lady was very impressed with Dakota and said "she's going to be like me." It was all I could to not say "I sincerely hope not."
The bullfrog! I kind of love this guy - he's so big and so cute! (and so not poisonous and not threatening).
Dakota was so cute. She loved all the reptiles. And she was so gentle in touching them. I was very impressed.
Oh. My. God. I cannot. Snakes, and especially snakes this big, are not okay. They should remain inside glass containers and never be let out.
And then Jayden TOUCHED it and HELD it. Seriously. Ewww.
The party was for Landon and he requested a cake that was purple and that was Frozen-themed. I love it. I am so grateful for my parent friends who let their kids be kids, and let their kids choose what matters to them. If purple and frozen matters, then do it. If purple and Donatellos matters, then do it. If blue and superheros matter, then do that too. And I don't care if you're a girl or a boy. I can only hope that Dakota grows up loving cars as much as Jayden does, and thinking purple is the best color ever (because, well, obviously!). There is a piece of me, always, that is yearning for freedom of expression and acceptance and all of that for our children. There is NO reason a five year old should be told something is only for "girls" or only for "boys." It just doesn't matter. The bottom line is they are our kids and they are AWESOME!
If you follow me on instagram, you already saw this. But on the way home from the party, Jayden and I were chatting about how fast he was (and how he could probably beat the people in the Olympics - because, again, obviously), and I was telling him how, with practice, he would get faster and faster. I thought I was being so nice and all of that, and then he says "Mama, can you leave me alone? I need to go to sleep." And so I shut up (Dakota was already asleep) and just drove the rest of the way home in silence. It was awesome (it actually really was - the kids both slept once I got them home, for at least long enough for me to clean up and sit down for a few minutes).
The beginning of the week was just that, a week. I just can't keep up with work at the moment, and it's taking me away from my family more than I want. Not as much as Carmen, let's be real here (!), but still more than I'm used to and more than I'd like. I was in San Francisco on Friday, for a legislative planning meeting with Consumer advocates throughout California. It was a test for me (and for Carmen, since it was really the first time I'd left him with the kids since his shoulder surgery - in case anyone is counting, that is about two months where Carmen was never left alone with the kids. Two months!). But, as expected, everything was fine. The kids were alive, they went to sleep, they ate, they generally survived. And that's what matters. And I got to enjoy a day, talking to colleagues and people I have looked up to for quite a while - and feel like I'm making a difference in the world (or at least the state of California - for consumer rights), and having a wonderful visit and dinner with two of my very best friends. I haven't had that kind of freedom for a long time. And yes, it was only a day. But it was rejuvenating, and that made it worth it.
First flight out. Takeoff, 6:45 am (which really means 7:00 am in Orange County, but you get in line for takeoff at 6:42 so you get there first!). It meant getting up at 4 something. I don't even know 4 what. But it was dark and that's what mattered to me.
And then I went back to school. At 9:00 am, on UC Berkeley's campus, trying to find my way to the law school. It was a beautiful, overcast day, but I was still sweating by the time I hiked up the hill from BART to the law school. Thank goodness my lovely friend offered to pick me up and I didn't have to navigate myself back to BART and back to Oakland.
And here are my lovely friends. Seriously lovely. They're the best. Vanessa is having her (obviously beautiful) baby boy in a little more than two months (and her birthday AND anniversary is Sunday). And the two of them are just awesome. It just kills me that I don't get to talk to them every day, or see them every week. The two of them (and a few others) remind me that nothing is off limits in a friendship, that everyone is going through something you know nothing about and that you can be friends across miles, across life differences, across experiences and across time. But you can never support Donald Trump. That is the only rule.
Last flight in to Santa Ana. It was a long day. But so totally worth it. I felt equally inspired, relaxed, happy and wistful. I missed my kids, I missed my husband, I missed fall festival. But I decided I need to let Carmen handle the house for a day, for him and for me. And we both are better for it, I think.
And then last night I went to see Glennon Doyle Melton speak. She is the force behind Momastery. As I told my friend last night, I do credit Glennon with reminding/reassuring/whatever me that I have "faith." I may not go to church, and I may not be sure about my belief in God, but I do believe in something. And I believe that being a good person is worthwhile, and that you will benefit from treating others and yourself with respect. And that is enough for now. I am still learning and developing my faith and spirituality, and what that means for me. And I am so incredibly comfortable with that. Glennon spent a lot of time speaking about Jesus and her love for Jesus. And I understood many of the lessons she learned from Him and the reasons why she holds him in high regard. But it is very difficult for me to get over the judgment that comes from the Church (that is capitalized on purpose). I also felt very strongly that many people at the talk last night viewed Glennon as if everything she said was true. And for some people, that may be right. But it reminded me of a cult and/or of sheep. As I wrote to a friend of mind - the people who blindly follow Trump scare the sh*t out of me, because obviously. But shouldn't we be scared by anyone who blindly follows another person? Especially another human, because we all have unique experiences, and we all relate differently to people, to experiences, to life. I am all for taking someone else's experience, acknowledging their experience and figuring out how it applies to their own life. But I am not for dealing with my life the exact same way that someone else deals with their life. It just doesn't make sense. So that's my take on religion, and on Momastery, and on life. Educate yourself, apply what works, and work around what does not work. I'm not saying I'm 100%, or even 50% successful. But I believe one day, some day, it will be successful.
And this is just too awesome. How can you not love this? Mama asks for a kiss and she gets a "thhhhppppbt" in response. Love you too baby girl!
So, yeah. We're doing okay We're better than we were two months ago, and even better than we were a month ago. And progress is all you can ask for, right? Work is killing me, and killing Carmen. Both of us are more stressed than we deserve, but we are trying to commiserate, but at the same time, not let that impact our family life. And I think we're doing okay. It takes patience, and wine. Wine is actually pretty important.
We are both still trying to figure out how we can incorporate exercise into our life. And one day I'll cook on a nightly basis (but probably not for many, many years - or until I retire, whichever happens last!), but we're getting there. I find ways to get the family to eat healthy. And both kids still love their vegetables and get complimented day in and day out about their eating habits (this is me making myself feel better, in case you couldn't tell). But on a regular basis (i.e., every day, every hour, every minute), I feel guilty about how little I am able to actually cook a homemade meal from scratch. I canc make hot dogs, and "pasta with things inside it," but that's not the same as making a meal from scratch. I tried Blue Apron. There are definitely benefits. But the problem is you still have to chop everything and cook it - so it still takes like an hour to make a meal! I have 10-20 minutes from the time I get home to get a meal on the table. It's enough time to boil pasta, microwave something already cooked, or cook a hot dog. Oh, or cook frozen vegetables. That's pretty much it. Again, the kids are good eaters. And for that I am grateful. I've learned to use Amazon PRIME, to use pre-cut vegetables, all kinds of short cuts. And, as I've discussed with my therapist, it has only been 16 months since Dakota was born. I can use that for and against me, but I am trying my best to use that in my favor. Forgive myself. It has only been 16 months. If you have a better way to convince me, let me know. I could use it!
This has been a long, rambling post. But sometimes this blog is my therapy. So thank you for reading. And if you do nothing else, watch the video of Dakota refusing to kiss me at bedtime. Because, well, that's life!
So apparently it has been almost three weeks since I last posted. Oops! In order to catch up, here is a selection of pictures from that time.
Checking out Jayden's new toys in her fancy new hair bow. Obviously Donatello is our favorite!
Going for a drive together. They're getting so big so quick.
Adding a passenger - riding with the Cat in the Hat.
And then boating. A busy day!
Getting ready for the Seahawks game! Tough loss, but fun to go to a real live football game.
It would be on the day that it was 100+ degrees...
Some of us did not make it through the whole game. Dakota and I were sweating it out together.
Family photo op.
Jayden was "Star of the Week" a couple weeks ago. That means that Jayden got to be teacher's assistant for the week, got to share his favorite book, got to share is "all about me" poster and got to take home "Funky Spunky Monkey" for the week. It was a fun week, if not a little stressful for me to think of things to do with Funky Spunky Monkey for the week.
On Monday night, we just ate dinner with him, and he snuck a drink of Jayden's drink. Oops!
Tuesday night, everyone got a treat at In-n-Out.
On Saturday, Jayden got a haircut (finally), and Funky Spunky Monkey got to tag along.
Maxwell and Jayden goofing off in the swimming pool.
Dakota sweetly looking on as her brother and Maxwell swim.
Funky Spunky Monkey and friend (named Funky Punkin' Monkey by Jayden) also got to watch the boys swim - they're in the background.
Dakota and I did a little yoga later. Her downward dog isn't so bad - and her heels are on the ground!
Funky Spunky Monkey and friend got to take a ride in the fire boat. We were very careful not to get him wet.
Check out Dakota's moccasins! I adore them. She is still getting used to wearing them - they are a tiny bit too big - but they are so cute!
The TMNT siblings. Dakota's t-shirt says "Be Fearless." They are great.
Silly faces for Gramma.
Dakota running in the grass. Her favorite way to run, with her arms out behind her.
Riding the carousel. Dakota's first time on a horse by herself. It was a mini carousel, so it was a little less scary, I think.
Hi Gramma!
All twisted up in some balloons.
A side note: Last time Dakota wore this dress, it went past her knees. I guess she's done some pretty serious growing recently. We haven't measured her, but it's clear she's sprouting up. I couldn't believe how short this was on her!
Today (Sunday) we hit up the Discovery Cube for some Halloween fun and...
A Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Exhibit!
These giant TMNTs were so cool. I tried to get Jayden to take a picture in front of Donatello with the same pose as Donatello, and Jayden looked at me like I was crazy. I even demonstrated the pose to show him what I meant. And he just stared at me (as did the various children and adults around me...). Oh well. I thought it would have been awesome.
Wearing a ninja outfit (Maxwell had just taken his off). Maxwell showed me some ninja moves. Jayden, again, looked at me like I was crazy.
Skateboarding with Michelangelo.
Looking calm and peaceful with Gramma.
Crawling through the secret lair, trying to avoid the ropes, sort of.
Shooting pizzas at the bad guys. Photo credit to Jen (Maxwell's mom). It was harder than it looks - Jayden just got one bad guy. But he only got three tries, so that wasn't so bad.
Tomorrow we are off to the pumpkin patch with Jayden's class in the morning. Dakota is going to school so that we don't have to drag her along with us. Mom and I are thinking about having a few hours to ourselves after the pumpkin patch - we'll see how we feel tomorrow.
Life has been insane recently - a lot of work at home and at actual work. And lots of things going on. I have been feeling very overwhelmed and maybe sort of lost or without focus, but I am trying to just be in survival mode. I have only felt this bad in the last couple of months. I am hoping it's a perfect storm of events, including Carmen's surgery (and general inability to participate in family stuff), losing a number of attorneys at work and just having a whole lot of responsibilities come up. I guess I would like to know that one day there is a light at the end of the tunnel, one day I won't feel overwhelmed by someone else coming to clean my house, one day I won't feel like I'm on the verge of committing malpractice. One day I will feel like I can exercise again so that I can feel like I am myself again. I don't expect to be the same as I was pre-kids, but I would like to find some parts of me again, even if those parts are evolved/altered/adjusted.
