Hey Mama!

Happy Mother's Day to all the Moms and to everyone really, whether you're a mom to a pet, a mom to a boyfriend/husband, a mom to anything or you just have a mom (which really, all of us have).

It was a nice day, but it was pretty much a regular Sunday for us, which is what I wanted.  We woke up, I got a nice long run in, we went to the park and then to the han-ga-ber restaurant ("hamburger" for those of you who don't always speak Jayden).  Jayden took a nice long nap, then we played outside for a bit, had dinner and then went to bed.  I prepared some food for dinners for the upcoming week since it's going to be hectic.  Carmen and I are trying to stay awake until 9 pm, and just barely making it.

My two cards from Jayden.  You can guess which one Carmen picked out.  I really hope it doesn't happen.  Jayden has already reassured me he will NOT be changing my diapers.  And shockingly, I know, Jayden picked the colors for the card on the right - ORANGE and white.  Jayden made the card on the right for me at Juju's on Friday and I got it, along with a tulip (my favorite flower!) when I picked him up on Friday.  So cute.

My Mother's Day lunch. Jayden was literally falling asleep at the table.  He was still eating his cheeseburger, and at this moment had a bite of cheeseburger in his mouth while falling asleep.  It scared me, of course, until I picked him up and he freaked out because he wanted to finish his cheeseburger.  Then he chewed and swallowed.  So he ate a meal meant for a 7 year old.  Aaaaand he's 2.  And a half.  He's quick to correct you that he's 2 and a half, not just 2.
Today we asked him what age he was going to be next.  He said "twenty!"  So yeah.  Our kid is two going on twenty.  Awesome.

Mama and Jayden splashing in the pool.  It's finally at 80 degrees which means I am finally willing to get in.  Exciting!

More fun outside.

Splashing in the pool, next to the waterfall.  Jayden definitely has a thing for waterfalls.  If we didn't have jobs and had all the money in the world we'd pick up and fly to Niagara Falls right now.  Buuuut, that's not the case.  So Gramma's waterfall via FaceTime and our own little waterfall are going to have to do for now.

The past few days have been good, but tough.  Carmen's friend Bardis spent the night Wednesday night.  Bardis and his family are some of my favorite people so I was happy to have him.  But it meant I was primarily responsible for Jayden.  And then Thursday, Friday and Saturday were the NFL draft (as if you all didn't already know), so Carmen was only available the mornings of all three days - until about 8 or 8:30 am.  Since I am in full preparation mode for my oral argument this coming Thursday I am particularly stressed out.  Jayden and I have been doing okay but we hung by threads a few times.  Yesterday (Saturday), at lunch time Jayden was refusing everything.  No matter what I said, the answer was "NO!" and not just a regular "no," but a "no" with emphasis and attitude.  I knew it was because he was tired (again), but I had used up a lot of patience.  I finally convinced him to eat three bites, which was my bargain and then we took off for the swimming pool.

He actually swam yesterday!  He was in the "deep end" with Stacy and she had him push off the ladder to her, about halfway out across the pool.  He pushed forward and moved his arms about two times and pushed himself through the water to Stacy.  It was awesome!  The next step is for him to learn to kick - right now his kicks are large and exaggerated which really do nothing to help keep him afloat.  It's a comfort thing for him; his bigger kicks allow him to get upright faster, whereas the little kicks would keep him horizontal longer.  So it's just him getting more and more comfortable.

Jayden missed his daddy - he had me send a picture at least once and asked for me to "get" a picture of his daddy.  I couldn't quite do that so I found some pictures on my phone or on Facebook and showed him those.  It worked, for the time being.  Today there were a few times where I was not allowed to play with him, just Daddy.  I get called on so often it doesn't bother me one bit when I get to take a break.  :)

THIS is the picture Jayden wanted to send to daddy.  Why, I have no idea.  But when we were in New Orleans he also wanted to send a picture of him with a cup in his mouth.  Weird.

Jayden also rediscovered his silver car yesterday.  At this point I don't even know when, but at some point yesterday he was racing around the dining room, kitchen and family room.  He doesn't use the pedals, just runs his feet on the floor.  And to turn he actually picks up the car and moves it rather than turning the steering wheel.

Vroooom!

Tomorrow it's back to work and more than the usual amount of stress, at least for me.  I'm counting down the days/hours/minutes until Thursday at about noon.  Obviously I want a positive result for Thursday, btu more than anything I want it to be over.  And I won't know the actual result for another month or two.  That's the killer part about appellate cases.  I'm guessing we will be able to tell from the judges' attitudes on Thursday, but you never know.  Ugh.  My stomach will probably still be hurting for the next few weeks.  Carmen is going through his own job-related stress, but his is not quite as urgent.

But back to square one: HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!  Over the last 2-1/2 years I have learned a lot of things, about moms, motherhood, moms that work outside the home, babies, toddlers, kids, and all things related.  To make a long story short, as I have said millions of times, motherhood is the hardest and the best thing I'll ever do.  It brings me more than joy than I can ever imagine and the love I feel is immense.  When Jayden would say "Happy Mother's Day," I'd say it back to him and he'd say "no, it's not my mother's day, it's your mother's day!"  Very cute.  But it also has caused me to question practically every decision I make, particularly the working/not working decision, but also everything else.  What do I make for dinner? Will he eat it?  Does it have enough vegetables?  Should I drink less soda in front of him?  Should I give him less juice?  Should I not care?  Is he getting enough sleep?  Should I be more strict?  Should I be less strict?  Should I force him to be potty trained?  Should I wait and let him figure it out on his own?  None of these questions have real answers; they're just the things that run through my brain regularly.  And the real answers are "whatever works at that particular moment on that particular day with that particular set of circumstances."  Because motherhood has no real answers, just more questions, with an ever-changing set of challenges.

I was texting with one of my friends today, about being supermom and other things.  She has a one year old (who is adorable, by the way), and she was feeling bad about not getting thank you notes out, not getting mother's day cards to friends, etc.  And mentioned something about "failing."  That's the last thing a mom should feel.  A mom's job is to keep her child healthy.  And if she's doing that, she's winning.  A mom's family and friends should and can understand that yes, she'll miss birthdays, she'll miss holidays, she'll miss weddings and she may appear to some non-mothers to be less than a perfect friend, but she has the most important job in the world: raising her beautiful child to be loving, caring and generally healthy.  So, if a few important dates are missed, no big deal.  Worse things have happened in the world and nothing lasts forever.  If she misses a few important (or not so important) dates, know that it has nothing to do with her love for you, but everything to do with the love she has for her child.  This is probably the most important thing I've learned over the last couple of years; not to be uncaring, but to not feel apologetic for putting what I feel is important for me and my child first.

Sorry for the rambling.  I guess that's what happens when I try to turn my brain off of debts arising as a result of the involuntary incarceration of a minor child.... (for those of you, maybe all of you, who don't know - that's what I'm arguing on Thursday, that a debt that is owed by a parent that arises as a result of the involuntary incarceration of a minor child is dischargeable in bankruptcy).  I probably won't post again until after the argument, so any and all positive thoughts at 11 am Pacific time on Thursday would be appreciated.  Gracias!