Smartest kid on the block.

Obviously!

So Jayden is hilarious.  I have nothing to compare him to, so to me he is normal.  But when I tell other people about some of the things he does they think it's weird.  Or "advanced."  Or whatever.  I mean, we all know he's smart (just check out his parents), but I think he may beat out both of us in the intelligence arena by the time he's 5.

He has memorized more of his books.  Tonight we were reading "Little Blue Truck Leads the Way" and he was "reading" along as normal.  But I always do different voices for the different cars and trucks that talk, and he was doing the voices along with me - making his voice lower when the Double Decker Bus said "Shove on Shorty!" and making his voice higher when Little Blue Truck said "You might be fast and I might be slow, but one at a time is the way to go!"  And he puts emphasis on certain words and everything.  It's so cute.  I can't wait to see him perform.  He's going to be so dramatic.  The downside is we can never skip pages because he'll stop us and tell us we "fohr-gohhhht!"  I was telling the Monkey story tonight and I was at the very beginning, where the five little monkeys take a bath, the five little monkeys put on their pajamas and the five little monkeys brush their teeth.  Well, I said the "pajamas" part and he stopped me, saying "Mama, Mama, you fohhhh-gohhhht!  Bwush teeeef!!!!!"  I said, "no, just like you, the monkeys brush their teeth after putting on their pajamas!"  And he thought about it for a minute and then agreed that we could continue.  Hilarious.

He also is learning letters.  I pulled out a water bottle I bought him a long time ago that is the same as my water bottle, but smaller and with dinosaurs on it.  We always have to go over the three dinosaurs on the bottle (T-Rex, Triceratops and Brontosaurus), but now he's started spelling the brand name of the water bottle too.  It's printed twice on the water bottle - at the top.  He "reads" it backwards, but he identifies all the letters.  He's particularly good with K's, C's, L's and E's.  And he's not particularly fond of A's, B's and M's.  But he learns.

The thing I like the least about these videos is hearing my voice in the background.  I tried to speak more softly this time, so hopefully I'm not too loud.  Hopefully he's the star of the show!

Three day weekends are lovely.

First off, to anyone who has served or who is currently serving, today is a small token of our gratitude.  I particularly think about Christopher, and all of my grandfathers, uncles, cousins and other relations who have sacrificed so much for us.  It feels shameful sometimes that we treat this weekend as a "break," but it's important to know that service men and women are never far from our minds, no matter the weekend.

All that being said, we had a really wonderful weekend.  It was relaxing and calm.  Friday Carmen got to see a movie (X-Men, he liked it, if any of you have questions please feel free to ask; he'll tell you "it was really well done") and then we hung around the house in the evening.  Saturday we ran a few errands, had lunch with a couple of my friends slash former co-workers and then went to Carmen's ex-girlfriend's parents' house for dinner.  I know, I know.  It sounds a lot more awkward than it is.  I actually really like the mom and have even had a lunch date with her.  It sometimes weirds me out to think that this woman is Carmen's ex, but I try to ignore those thoughts.  And for those of you wondering, we are all married with kids now, so it's not like I'm worried about rekindling a romance; it's just the idea, I guess.

In any case, there were 7 other kids there under 5 years old, and Jayden eventually got in the swing of things and started running around with them.  He of course picked the four and five year olds to run around with, even though there were two other two-year-olds and one three year old.  And towards the end of the night Mommy and Jayden ran each other ragged in the grass too.

Relaxing in the grass for a moment.

He barely ate dinner he was so distracted by the kids. But somehow he could focus long enough to eat half of my piece of cake.  :)

Sunday we went to the park, as we normally do.  Carmen ran a couple of errands while Jayden and I played.

Dancin' on the grate.

Climbing up the slide.  "Mama, don' get me!"

"Mama, take a picture now!"

We finally convinced Jayden to get a new pair of shoes (his red shoes were wearing out and getting too small), so we bought those at the Nike outlet.  I looove Nike frees for little kids.  They have flexible soles but also provide support so are really good for little kids, especially kids like Jayden who spend their lives running.

A funny story.  We were picking shoes and Jayden said "no" to everything, as we expected.  We finally picked a style but were deciding on the color.  I kind of wanted him to get black so that they would be more versatile, but "bwack" was quickly vetoed.  He picked ones that were blue with a pink swoosh.  Both Carmen and I looked at each other and sort of shrugged.  Neither of us could figure out 1. if those were supposed to be "girl" shoes and 2. even if they were "girl" shoes, if it mattered if Jayden wore them.  Jayden eventually decided on blue and yellow shoes, relieving us from having to make a decision, but I wonder how strongly we would have pushed if he was adamant that he get the blue and pink ones.  I think I would have decided he could get whatever he wants (especially because the blue and pink ones were $10 cheaper), but who knows.  Who cares?  I mean, who cares if Jayden, a TWO year old boy, wants to wear blue and pink shoes.  I know I don't care.  People put so many labels on kids.  Jayden has now identified himself as "shy" and uses it as an excuse to not talk to people.  I tried so hard to avoid using the word "shy" so that he wouldn't think of it as a personality trait, but it's so prevalent that he picked it up anyway.  I know he'll grow out of it, but I don't want him to think that he's "shy" so that he then cannot make new friends.

After naptime on Sunday we splashed in the pool for a bit.  The weather was gray on Saturday and Sunday morning, but by Sunday afternoon it had warmed up quite a bit.  I didn't get in, but Jayden and Daddy had a good ol' time splashing in the hot tub.

My boys. Sweeping the pool deck.

Climbing into the water.

A smile!

Had to give Jasmine a shout out.  She's such a patient little dog, and is about to be 9 years old!

Today we did even less.  I went to the grocery store and made food for us to eat for dinner this entire week (lasagna per Carmen's request and carrot-sweet potato soup that can be eaten cold in honor of my grandfather), but other than that we generally relaxed.  Carmen grilled hot dogs for lunch and I bought some salads from the grocery store.  I also made a honeydew kiwi smoothie, to which Carmen and I added some rum to remind ourselves that it was a Monday that we weren't in our offices.  Honestly, the smoothie was better without the rum, but we were making a point.  :)  After naptime, which was significantly shorter than normal, we spent the afternoon in the pool, literally.  I made bacon-wrapped dates and deviled eggs with bacon (thanks Stacy's sister Kim for the brilliant idea!) and we snacked and splashed.  We got in a little FaceTime with Gramma and then had tacos and salad for dinner.  It was just fun.  And Jayden had his moments, but was mostly a pretty awesome kid.

Floating.

Splashing into the big pool.

Watching Daddy jump into the big pool while we relaxed in the "wittle" pool (aka the hot tub).

Not the greatest picture, but it's real life.  And I love it.  :)

Warming up!

We also watched a few basketball games.  Daddy won and we got to watch TV during dinner last night and tonight.  And we explained who Lebron was to Jayden so now he is obsessed.  This is not the best representation - I missed the best ones, of course.  But he kept asking "where's 'bwon?" And then when he saw him "I see 'bwon! he dunked it!  Mommy, I wike 'bwon."

And tomorrow it's time to head back to work.  I've spent the weekend thinking about my grandfather and how I truly cannot believe that I won't see him again.  I just keep thinking when we go to Florida we'll have lunch and dinner with him and see Rupee (the dog) and read the newspaper with him in the morning and it's just not going to happen.  I haven't slept well in a few days now, and I think it's because I'm thinking of so many different things, primarily my grandfather (and my grandmother) and their life together.  Once I get my thoughts more organized, I'll post what I send to the pastor for the services in Florida. I pretty much have it written in my head, I just can't bring myself to put it on "paper" (i.e., in an email).

I hope everyone had a great long weekend, and that whether you know anyone who has served or not, you honor all those who have served for a moment today, especially those who have made the ultimate sacrifice.  RIP Christopher, Gramps and Grandfather.

I ran out of titles

So I had a great weekend.  And a terrible weekend.  It was one of those things where everything went perfect and everything went wrong.

Friday morning I told Jayden that Daddy would be picking him up and that I was going on an airplane and would be gone for a couple days.  He thought about it for a minute and then said "I wan' DA-DDY to go on an ai-ya-plane!"  This was clearly him being tired on a Friday morning and a representation of how much he loves his mama, not of how little he loves his daddy.  He definitely appeared a little confused, but he was getting in the car with Daddy, so it wasn't too confusing.  And I reassured him that Daddy had a lot fewer rules than Mommy did, so he'd probably have more fun.  :)

My weekend started off great.  I left my office at 2:05 pm and was at my gate by 2:35 pm - just 30 minutes to drive to the airport, print my boarding pass, go through security and walk to my gate.  Amazing.  And then I checked my email.  My (great) Uncle Ted had a stroke the previous Saturday (May 10th), and had just passed away Friday morning.  He would have been 96 in a few weeks and had lived an amazing life.  Two of his granddaughters were by his side when he passed, and it was peaceful.  But it was still somewhat shocking to me.  So of course I started crying in the airport and was conflicted - how do I revel in my weekend of freedom when there's this cloud of sadness around me?

Luckily my friends are amazing and kept me busy from the get-go.  We went to a happy hour and met a few of their work friends.  We then went to dinner and had wonderful fish n chips and burgers.  As I was leaving I noticed my sister had called - it was Friday night, but even for Ellen it was a little late.  I called her back and she was so hysterical I couldn't understand her.  Finally I figured out, and she calmed down enough to tell me, that my Grandfather had collapsed and was in the hospital.  My dad was on the way to Florida and there wasn't much more we'd know until the morning.  In a matter of hours the cloud of sadness had darkened significantly.

I decided there wasn't anything I could do until I heard more from my dad, so we went ahead with our plans for the weekend.  Whether I was at home or with my friends, there was nothing I could do (and it turns out, there wasn't much I could have done if I had been in Florida either).  I woke up Saturday and got a little FaceTime with my boys in:

little boys in hats!  he looks so old!

We got in the car and headed to Sonoma for some lunch and general fun in the sun.  We had an amazing lunch, visited a couple of wineries, got a little sunburned (or that part was just me) and had a great dinner.  It was really a lovely day and the best part about it is that the only "plan" we had was reservations for lunch.  Everything else was based entirely on how we felt.  It was so nice to not have to think about diapers, naps, food schedules, etc.  When we were hungry, we ate.  When we were thirsty, we drank.  And I finished real, grown up conversations!

Outside the restaurant.  If you're ever in Sonoma, you should definitely go to the girl and the fig.  It is lovely.

The view at our first winery, Gundlach Bundschu (or something similar).

Bubbles!  At Gloria Ferrer.

Some greenery in Larkspur, home of one of the best pizza places, Picco Pizzeria.

Sunday morning my routine was similar - wake up at 6:40 am, check the time, roll over and sleep some more until 9:00 am.  Thank goodness for sleeping in.  Got some more FaceTime in with the home crew:

Silly faces.

Towards the ends of the conversation he usually decides it's time to do something else.  So he started driving.  Makes sense.

We had plans to meet one of my good friends from PLC (who also abandoned me to move to the bay area) for brunch at a Thai Temple in Berkeley.  I was too obsessed to take any pictures - so sad! - but the food was great.  You didn't "buy" the food, but you made a donation and in return got a bunch of tokens.  Then you went around to the various stations and exchanged your tokens for food.  We had pad thai, green curry, yellow curry, pork, tofu and egg, sweet and spicy fish, beef soup, mango sticky rice and three other desserts that were amazing.  We ate way too much but it was so great.  Seriously, so great.  And lovely company.

We went from there back to Vanessa's where we all just relaxed and talked about nothing and everything (and I do mean everything).  Stacy did a whiskey tasting, just for fun apparently.  We then headed back to Oakland to go to a beer garden to meet up with some more of my friends.  The beer garden was great, super relaxed and fun, with a great selection of beer and snacks.  And then my two college friends, Tamara and Tamara (the same but not the same at all - one is basically Tam-ra and one is Ta-MAR-a), showed up.  A great reunion.

Stacy and Kamal.

Vanessa, playing it cool inside.

P-P Sagehens!

Dancing?  Laughing?  Smiling?  Doesn't matter, it's all good and it's all fun.  LOVE these women and miss them always.

We went to yet another amazing pizza place that night, Zachary's, which makes amazing deep dish pizza.  I seriously could eat that pizza all day every day.  We dropped Tamara off at BART and headed home.  For one last gluttonous stop, we ate breakfast the next morning at Rudy's in Oakland.  It was great and seriously not what we really needed.  But at least we stayed away from the cocktails at 9:00 am, particularly since Vanessa and Stacy had 5 hours of meetings that day.
 

Gathering my last little bit of Oakland sunshine!

Kamal dropped me at the airport and I made it back to Orange County just fine.  To avoid real life just a little longer, I went for a quick run and scheduled a massage.  It had been a year since my last one and the lady spent 45 minutes just trying to get knots out of my shoulders and neck.  It feels amazingly better, just maybe a little sore.  For $50 it was totally worth it.

I picked Jayden up from Juju's and suddenly it was back to real life.  He was excited to see me for about 4.5 seconds and then began the fight to get him away from the television and into the car.  We eventually made it, without a temper tantrum, thank goodness.  It was my turn to put him to bed and it was nice to get cuddle time with my little boy.  In an odd reversal or roles, there's something about cuddling with my son that makes me feel safe.  And then came the next storm cloud.  About two hours after getting downstairs, I see a missed call from my dad, who I know is still in Florida.  I know what he's calling to tell me before I even touch my phone.  But in case you haven't  figured it out, my grandfather passed away Monday night at 10:30 pm Eastern.  My dad was there with him and I know he's in a better place and in much less pain and much more peace than before, so that's good.  But it doesn't mean I won't miss him.  As I told Vanessa, I imagine him finding my grandmother and dancing completely incorrectly to the YMCA at the Jewish Country Club in Palm Beach slash wherever he is now.  Such happiness and joy.  And as I said to my sister, one thing you can surely say for my grandparents is that they enjoyed their lives.  They had many friends and they spent quality time with them and loved the time they spent with each other.  And if we are able to be half as loyal and half as dedicated to our significant other, then we will all be lucky.  My heart hurts, especially for my poppa, but I also am grateful for having known my grandparents as long as we did and for them getting to love long lives full of so many experiences.

And then it was Tuesday and it was really back to real life.  Of course Jayden woke up in the middle of the night Monday night, so I slept on the floor outside his room for a couple hours, crawling back into bed around 4:30 am.  Back to work, with a training at a law firm at lunchtime and meetings off and on the rest of the time.  I left what I thought was early so I could get Jayden and then stop at the grocery store since we were about out of yogurt and didn't really have sufficient dinner food.  Turns out I still didn't leave early enough.  And since I wasn't home over the weekend I had nothing planned for dinner so I've been scrambling each night to create something out of what I have in the fridge.  Apparently when I need to create I turn to Mexican food, so we've had chicken tacos and pork tostadas so far this week (with Jayden breaking off and demanding pasta with white sauce tonight - he ate the entire container of pasta).  Speaking of Jayden and eating, he ate TWO bowls of macaroni and cheese on Monday night.  And then the entire container of pasta tonight which is supposed to provide two servings to a grown up.  The macaroni and cheese was supposed to be a meal for a 12 year old and under.  And he's 2 and almost ate TWO entire bowls.  Insane.  Rather than save for college I think I need to start by saving for our grocery bills.  And to follow up, anyone who is a parent to a boy should read this:

http://www.scarymommy.com/10-things-moms-of-boys-must-do/

I am not a fan of farting and do not love the word, but I have learned that it must become part of my vocabulary.  And I can only imagine what it will be like when he's older, especially with Carmen as a husband who basically refuses to use what I consider to be slightly less offensive words.

Another story about Jayden before I sign off.   I have no idea what is normal.  But Jayden memorizes everything.  He reads his bedtime books with us every night.  He loves his books and he honestly knows pretty much every word.  So for the last few weeks we have been reading the "Little Blue Truck" and the "Belly Button Book."  Both cute and hilarious books.  And he knows most of the words.  I know he's not reading the words, but if he knows the words it seems like reading will come so much easier when he's older.  After we read our two books and we turn off the lights he usually asks me to tell him the "monkey story," which is the story about the five monkeys jumping on the bed, one falls off and bumps his head, mama calls the doctor, the doctor said, "NO MORE MONKEYS JUMPING ON THE BED!"  Now it's obviously not a hard story for me to memorize since there are really only four or five lines.  But I tell this story in the dark as he's falling asleep.  And Jayden knows the words and tells the story with me.

Tonight when we finished, Jayden said "Thanks for helping me mommy."  I said, "thanks for helping me Jayden!"  He was pretty tired tonight, telling me as we were driving home from Juju's that "I pwetty ti-yewd today mama."  So he cuddled up as we were telling the story, and once we were done, rolled around a bit until he found his spot in my arms.  I looked at him and said "love you Jayden."  He said "wuv you too mama.  you are the best."  And yes, I nearly melted.  I said "no, you are the best!"  And he said "NO!  I not the best!  Mama is the best.  Daddy is the best.  Jasmine is the best.  But I not the best!!"  I don't really know what he thinks "the best" means, but I guess he's working his way up there.  He's just so sweet and adorable, so long as he's not crying, whining, kicking, hitting or generally throwing a temper tantrum.  Oh to grow up with a two year old.

Superwoman, sort of

So today I totally felt like Superwoman.  Clearly I couldn't have done it without my supporting cast (for today), both at home and at work, but it felt pretty awesome.

I had my oral argument in our appellate case at the super fancy Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals in Pasadena, California.

The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals in Pasadena.  The building is a former hotel and is randomly in the middle of an entirely residential area.  We were in Courtroom 2, thank goodness, which was a very small, intimate courtroom.  

The famous trellis entrance to the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals building.  Funny enough, the security getting into this building was less strict than the security getting into the Federal Courthouse that my co-workers and I enter at least twice a week.  

We've/I've been working really hard with Jayden over the past few days to get him to not throw complete temper tantrums.  We've used a lot of rewards, but also just talking him through it.  We can get mad, but that doesn't explain to him why he shouldn't do something - or why he should do something.  So I usually get a little bit quieter and ask him some questions and try to talk through it, rather than just yelling.  It's a whole lot more effective, and gets him to talk, which he's not inclined to do when he thinks he's in trouble.

He's been great about coming home in the afternoons.  Juju has been turning the TV off sometimes, which does help, but he also says things to me like "I happy to go wif' you mama."  "I no cwy-ing today," etc.  It does help.  And even when we've had issues ("I DO wan' go on fwee-way," "I DO wan' pahk in gah-wahge," "I DO wan' tuhn hewe," etc.), he manages to get over it and be in pretty good spirits when we get home, and even eat dinner.  It also helps that I've been feeding him pasta pretty much every night this week.

Luckily for me, I really needed it this week, too.  Generally I've been okay, but no matter what, in everything I do, a small part of my brain has been working on my argument for today, going through the arguments, trying to make sure I really know what's going on and what I'm going to say.  It didn't help that the NFL draft was last weekend either, and I was single mothering Thursday, Friday and Saturday.  But we got through it, Carmen took an extra bedtime this week and we made it!

So this morning I was out the door by 6:35 to get to the office to drive to Pasadena.  I knew I wouldn't get to see Jayden, and honestly I'm glad I didn't.  It's harder to leave him when he knows you're leaving, and it's easier on Carmen this way.  I told him last night I wouldn't see him in the morning but that I'd pick him up.  As soon as I said it, I saw his face fall a little bit, and I was afraid of an instant meltdown, but I still feel it's better to tell him what to expect, rather than to just have things be total surprises. It's why I'm also completely straightforward when either Carmen or I are gone.  I tell Jayden where Carmen went and why he's there, or I tell him where I'm going and why I'm going.  He's a smart kid; he doesn't need us to sugarcoat things for him.  So tomorrow, in the morning when we're saying goodbye, I'll explain where I'm going and that I'll be gone a couple days.  He might be sad, but then he'll understand, and he'll know why I'm not picking him up tomorrow and why I'm not at swim lessons on Saturday, etc.  I truly believe being straightforward with him is better than making up stories or explanations.

In any case, back to Superwoman.  We left the office at 7 am and got to Pasadena a little before 9:00 am.  We watched a couple arguments and then went to the attorney lounge (and to the bathroom 854 more times) to prep a little bit and relax.  Soon our co-counsel showed up and our fan base (sadly, no foam fingers - maybe next time).  Soon after that it was time to check in, make our appearance and argue.  Insane.  I had fifteen minutes, split into 10 minutes and 5 minutes for rebuttal.  The 10 minutes went by in a snap and suddenly I only had 2:55 left for rebuttal.  Oh well.  I was able to answer any question they threw at me, I did not say anything I wasn't supposed to say (for instance, when they asked me "well, the kid was fed, wasn't he?  isn't that support?" I said "NO!" and explained why - yay!) and got all, or almost all, of our most important points in. I felt pretty good about the argument itself.  I feel like we had an uphill battle, since we were asking to reverse the lower court, but I think we have a chance.  It's the smallest tiniest chance, and I really think we'll lose, but we have a chance.

In any case, I managed to remove my heart from my throat and apparently to the rest of the world I didn't appear nervous at all.  Thank goodness for supportive friends and co-workers - we had four people in the crowd and two co-counsel, all rooting me on.  So amazing.  We had a fancy lunch in Pasadena, and then came back to the office to pretend to get work done.  I got to pick up Jayden, which was close to the highlight of my day.  I walk in and he runs over to me with a big grin, a big hug and so much love.  The best thing about kids is they know nothing.  For all he knows I went and sat under a bridge today and did nothing.  All that matters is that I show up at the end of the day, am happy to see him and that we get time together.  We jammed to "Beat It" on the way home and just enjoyed each others' company.

He was seriously dancing.  I have no idea what other drivers and passengers think of us while we drive home - we are always dancing to some song and dancing in Jayden's world does not just mean nodding your head.  You have to get your arms moving and move all over the place.  If I weren't driving, I would have taken a video it was so great.

And then we got home and it was STILL over 100 degrees, so clearly we needed to at least dip our toes in the pool.

His first "smile."

...and a real one.  Mommy/Jayden love!

And then it's times like now that I think I'm crazy for wanting to go away for a whole weekend.  But as I was discussing with Juju, it's trips like this that will make me a better mother, because it means I get a break, it gives me a chance to recharge, and of course, I get to have girl time which is so rare in my life these days.  I adore my friends for being willing to let me interrupt their lives and "use" them to get away, and for being so excited about it!  I plan to repay the favor as soon as I get the opportunity (which means, Stacy and Vanessa, that you have to get knocked up so I can give you a break from the kiddo - so get working on that!)

But really, as I've mentioned recently, there are so few days that you feel like Superwoman.  But today, and over the past couple of weeks, I have done my (paying) job, prepared for the biggest day of my professional career, have not only just kept my kid alive but have worked on keeping him relatively happy, have fed the family homemade dinners, have gone grocery shopping, ordered diapers, done 736 loads of laundry (or five - but it feels like more) and generally worked 2-1/2 full time jobs.  AND I rocked the argument today.  I'm sure something will happen that will cut me down to size, but for now I'm Superwoman.  And don't you forget it! (and please remind me next week when I think everything is falling apart...)

Oh, and Carmen signed his first three contracts as an NFL agent today - so we had all kinds of things to celebrate.  Clearly that calls for some bubbly.  :)

CHEERS!!!

Hey Mama!

Happy Mother's Day to all the Moms and to everyone really, whether you're a mom to a pet, a mom to a boyfriend/husband, a mom to anything or you just have a mom (which really, all of us have).

It was a nice day, but it was pretty much a regular Sunday for us, which is what I wanted.  We woke up, I got a nice long run in, we went to the park and then to the han-ga-ber restaurant ("hamburger" for those of you who don't always speak Jayden).  Jayden took a nice long nap, then we played outside for a bit, had dinner and then went to bed.  I prepared some food for dinners for the upcoming week since it's going to be hectic.  Carmen and I are trying to stay awake until 9 pm, and just barely making it.

My two cards from Jayden.  You can guess which one Carmen picked out.  I really hope it doesn't happen.  Jayden has already reassured me he will NOT be changing my diapers.  And shockingly, I know, Jayden picked the colors for the card on the right - ORANGE and white.  Jayden made the card on the right for me at Juju's on Friday and I got it, along with a tulip (my favorite flower!) when I picked him up on Friday.  So cute.

My Mother's Day lunch. Jayden was literally falling asleep at the table.  He was still eating his cheeseburger, and at this moment had a bite of cheeseburger in his mouth while falling asleep.  It scared me, of course, until I picked him up and he freaked out because he wanted to finish his cheeseburger.  Then he chewed and swallowed.  So he ate a meal meant for a 7 year old.  Aaaaand he's 2.  And a half.  He's quick to correct you that he's 2 and a half, not just 2.
Today we asked him what age he was going to be next.  He said "twenty!"  So yeah.  Our kid is two going on twenty.  Awesome.

Mama and Jayden splashing in the pool.  It's finally at 80 degrees which means I am finally willing to get in.  Exciting!

More fun outside.

Splashing in the pool, next to the waterfall.  Jayden definitely has a thing for waterfalls.  If we didn't have jobs and had all the money in the world we'd pick up and fly to Niagara Falls right now.  Buuuut, that's not the case.  So Gramma's waterfall via FaceTime and our own little waterfall are going to have to do for now.

The past few days have been good, but tough.  Carmen's friend Bardis spent the night Wednesday night.  Bardis and his family are some of my favorite people so I was happy to have him.  But it meant I was primarily responsible for Jayden.  And then Thursday, Friday and Saturday were the NFL draft (as if you all didn't already know), so Carmen was only available the mornings of all three days - until about 8 or 8:30 am.  Since I am in full preparation mode for my oral argument this coming Thursday I am particularly stressed out.  Jayden and I have been doing okay but we hung by threads a few times.  Yesterday (Saturday), at lunch time Jayden was refusing everything.  No matter what I said, the answer was "NO!" and not just a regular "no," but a "no" with emphasis and attitude.  I knew it was because he was tired (again), but I had used up a lot of patience.  I finally convinced him to eat three bites, which was my bargain and then we took off for the swimming pool.

He actually swam yesterday!  He was in the "deep end" with Stacy and she had him push off the ladder to her, about halfway out across the pool.  He pushed forward and moved his arms about two times and pushed himself through the water to Stacy.  It was awesome!  The next step is for him to learn to kick - right now his kicks are large and exaggerated which really do nothing to help keep him afloat.  It's a comfort thing for him; his bigger kicks allow him to get upright faster, whereas the little kicks would keep him horizontal longer.  So it's just him getting more and more comfortable.

Jayden missed his daddy - he had me send a picture at least once and asked for me to "get" a picture of his daddy.  I couldn't quite do that so I found some pictures on my phone or on Facebook and showed him those.  It worked, for the time being.  Today there were a few times where I was not allowed to play with him, just Daddy.  I get called on so often it doesn't bother me one bit when I get to take a break.  :)

THIS is the picture Jayden wanted to send to daddy.  Why, I have no idea.  But when we were in New Orleans he also wanted to send a picture of him with a cup in his mouth.  Weird.

Jayden also rediscovered his silver car yesterday.  At this point I don't even know when, but at some point yesterday he was racing around the dining room, kitchen and family room.  He doesn't use the pedals, just runs his feet on the floor.  And to turn he actually picks up the car and moves it rather than turning the steering wheel.

Vroooom!

Tomorrow it's back to work and more than the usual amount of stress, at least for me.  I'm counting down the days/hours/minutes until Thursday at about noon.  Obviously I want a positive result for Thursday, btu more than anything I want it to be over.  And I won't know the actual result for another month or two.  That's the killer part about appellate cases.  I'm guessing we will be able to tell from the judges' attitudes on Thursday, but you never know.  Ugh.  My stomach will probably still be hurting for the next few weeks.  Carmen is going through his own job-related stress, but his is not quite as urgent.

But back to square one: HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!  Over the last 2-1/2 years I have learned a lot of things, about moms, motherhood, moms that work outside the home, babies, toddlers, kids, and all things related.  To make a long story short, as I have said millions of times, motherhood is the hardest and the best thing I'll ever do.  It brings me more than joy than I can ever imagine and the love I feel is immense.  When Jayden would say "Happy Mother's Day," I'd say it back to him and he'd say "no, it's not my mother's day, it's your mother's day!"  Very cute.  But it also has caused me to question practically every decision I make, particularly the working/not working decision, but also everything else.  What do I make for dinner? Will he eat it?  Does it have enough vegetables?  Should I drink less soda in front of him?  Should I give him less juice?  Should I not care?  Is he getting enough sleep?  Should I be more strict?  Should I be less strict?  Should I force him to be potty trained?  Should I wait and let him figure it out on his own?  None of these questions have real answers; they're just the things that run through my brain regularly.  And the real answers are "whatever works at that particular moment on that particular day with that particular set of circumstances."  Because motherhood has no real answers, just more questions, with an ever-changing set of challenges.

I was texting with one of my friends today, about being supermom and other things.  She has a one year old (who is adorable, by the way), and she was feeling bad about not getting thank you notes out, not getting mother's day cards to friends, etc.  And mentioned something about "failing."  That's the last thing a mom should feel.  A mom's job is to keep her child healthy.  And if she's doing that, she's winning.  A mom's family and friends should and can understand that yes, she'll miss birthdays, she'll miss holidays, she'll miss weddings and she may appear to some non-mothers to be less than a perfect friend, but she has the most important job in the world: raising her beautiful child to be loving, caring and generally healthy.  So, if a few important dates are missed, no big deal.  Worse things have happened in the world and nothing lasts forever.  If she misses a few important (or not so important) dates, know that it has nothing to do with her love for you, but everything to do with the love she has for her child.  This is probably the most important thing I've learned over the last couple of years; not to be uncaring, but to not feel apologetic for putting what I feel is important for me and my child first.

Sorry for the rambling.  I guess that's what happens when I try to turn my brain off of debts arising as a result of the involuntary incarceration of a minor child.... (for those of you, maybe all of you, who don't know - that's what I'm arguing on Thursday, that a debt that is owed by a parent that arises as a result of the involuntary incarceration of a minor child is dischargeable in bankruptcy).  I probably won't post again until after the argument, so any and all positive thoughts at 11 am Pacific time on Thursday would be appreciated.  Gracias!