Absence makes the heart grow fonder...

Right??!??
Sorry I've been so absent - and have neglected to post pictures of Jayden.  Turns out going back to work is super hard.  I knew it would be hard, but it's really draining and exhausting - physically and emotionally.  And I'm not even that busy at work yet. 
Here are a couple of photos from the first day:

One of the "benefits" of going back to work in the winter: I get to see the sunrise almost every day...

Jayden in his carseat, before I took him out to take him into Julia's.  I sat in the rocker in Julia's house for 15-20 minutes crying and holding him.  Then I realized I had to get up and go.  I was supposed to try to put Jayden to sleep, but I was crying and not being very soothing.  I then cried the whole way to work and off and on at work that day. 

As one of my friends pointed out, going back to work has its benefits: I get to see other grown-ups and talk about things other than babies and diapers and spit-up and stuff; Jayden gets to meet new kids and be the darling of the daycare (I walk in now and every kid there starts chanting "Jayden, Jayden, Jayden."  They love him there); When I am home with Jayden, all I want to do is hug him and play with him and watch him - so basically I am a better mom when I am with him. 

Our weekends are boring - errands, hanging out at the house, almost always in bed by 10:30 pm.  We aren't even cool enough to watch Saturday Night Live anymore...

It has gotten easier to drop him off.  I didn't have tears this morning - a little short of breath and ache, but no actual tears. The challenge I am facing now is pumping.  He eats 21 ounces a day at daycare.  I pump about 12-15 ounces.  Sooo, there's clearly a shortage.  We don't know what we're going to do yet and that has caused me all kinds of stress (which, funny enough has probably made it even harder for me to produce milk).  I also have lost a lot of weight.  Normally this would be a good thing, but I actually think I'm getting too skinny - I don't know if my body is just in overdrive from not sleeping, from being stressed about going back to work, from breastfeeding, etc., or what.  But I wonder if losing this much weight has affected my ability to produce milk too.  I've been trying to eat more (and still eat healthy), but it's difficult.  Up until about a month ago, I never would have thought I would have trouble pumping.  And all of a sudden it's my biggest struggle and making my heart hurt more than anything else.