And third, work is annoying. I mean, I like working, but it's annoying at the same time. I've been working so much while on maternity leave (technically illegal, since I'm not getting paid) that it also feels like I just took a whole bunch of sick days but really have been on call the whole time. That's nowhere near true, since I haven't had to actually be on call all day long. But I have been working a lot; some days more than others.
There are two positives that I have been able to come up with. First, I don't have childcare for Dakota until October 19th, so for the first 19 days I get to "work from home." This means I'll go into the office one to three days a week, depending on what is scheduled (always on Tuesdays, and other days as necessary), and Dakota will just come with me. The rest of the time, I'll do my best to work from home. I clearly won't be working regular 8:30 to 5 hours since that's just not possible with a baby and their unpredictable schedule. But I also feel like it allows me to "make up" for all the work I did while on leave. To be fair, I'm probably only making up maybe 1/3 of what I worked while on leave, but every little bit counts. The second positive is that I will get a paycheck again. Since maternity leave is unpaid at my office, I have been on state disability and FMLA leave, which pays me 55% of my salary. There is apparently some way that I could have kept getting paid part of my salary by PLC, but because we have no HR and I didn't really understand, I couldn't advocate for myself. In any case, since I have exhausted my FMLA and my bank account can no longer afford to pay any of my bills, I will be grateful to get a regular paycheck twice a month again. Thank goodness our household has a second income; otherwise I'd be in a lot more trouble.
Maternity leave has been interesting. I have strengthened my friendships with my two co-workers who have also been on leave, which has been wonderful. It will make going back to work easier, and harder at the same time. One of my co-workers is already back, which gives me something to look forward to. The other one is out for another two months, which gives me someone to be jealous of!
I will call this serious Dakota and Austin:
Two things about this series: Austin is my co-worker Lili's son. He is the one who is a month younger than Dakota. Lili and I have been exercising together - going for walks by her house and then getting lunch, and it has been lovely. She is more determined to get back in shape before a year is up than I am. I am fine with waiting a year. Second, Jayden helped choose Dakota's clothes. He chose the blue socks because they "matched" her dress. It was too cute to say no. :)
I do think that I have been able to enjoy Dakota more than I did Jayden, mostly because I know what I'm doing a little more, but also because Dakota has been a better sleeper, at least mostly. Last night she slept from 8 pm to 6 am. TEN hours. Seriously. Jayden teased us with that when he was 3-1/2 months old, but didn't come close to doing it regularly until 6 months. I know the trip this week will mess everything up, but hopefully I can get both kids back on track shortly after I get back so I don't start work a complete zombie. But that may be wishful thinking - traveling and time changes are brutal on the little ones.
What probably worries me the most about going back to work is the balancing, and how it's going to affect me and Carmen. Right now I am the primary parent (and really always have been). But Carmen is traveling a lot starting in October, and with one it's hard to parent solo but with two it is really difficult, especially when one is a baby. He also has the ability to parent when he wants to, whereas I pretty much have to parent all the time. If I have to go to the bathroom, I have to learn to hold it if it's naptime, the baby is crying, the baby is hungry, it's dinnertime, we need to play soccer, etc. I'm exaggerating to an extent, but only to an extent. While I'm on leave it's frustrating, but it doesn't feel impossible. When I'm working full-time too, it is going to be a challenge. There is no way to share the load equally, especially while I'm nursing Dakota, and honestly, the precedent has already been established with Jayden. Ninety percent of the time Jayden asks me for things, but that's because I'm usually the one who is available and attentive. It's difficult to reverse something like that.
I recently bought this book called "Hands Free Parenting." The idea is that you let go of having to be "perfect" and let go of distractions and other things that get in your way, and focus on making memories with your family. The focus is on the kids, but it actually applies to all relationships - marriages, friendships, even co-worker relationships to an extent. The most obvious, biggest culprit is technology, of course. But other things count as "distractions" too - not being able to let go of something negative that happened at work when you're at home with your kids, focusing on the piles of laundry in your closet, etc. AND, the idea is to not even be perfect at being "hands free," but to do your best. I am not even close to perfect. But I have made a concerted effort to be better. I try to agree to do fun stuff with Jayden to the extent I can, or to the extent I can work it in to what I need to be doing at that moment to keep us healthy. I literally put down my phone from the time I pick him up until the time I put him to bed, unless something comes up. I leave it close, and with the ringer on so if someone calls I can hear it. But I do not turn it on otherwise. And I've noticed a difference. And I like it. I am going to continue to do it while I am working. I will tell my co-workers that I will not be checking email between the time I leave the office and about 8 pm, once the kids are asleep. This means if there is something urgent, call me. And if an email is sent that I need to respond to, please be patient and wait four hours and I will get to it. We'll see how it goes. But it's important to me, so I hope I can keep up with it. That being said, if any of YOU need me between 4 and 8 pm on a weeknight, call me! I won't get emails and I won't really pay attention to text messages. :)
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